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Fighting, because you believe

Sometimes I just wish everything would stop. I can’t cope with this busy, busy, hectic, repetitive, robotic life. I can’t. All we’re doing is going through life like a robot, a machine engineered to go through every day. Go to school. Go to college. Get a job. Make money. Buy a flat. Get married. Have kids. Be accepted in society. Succumb to the absurdity and meaninglessness of this world where the rules aren’t up to you. Do this, or else you’ll be deemed a failure in society. Because society dictates everything you do. Then die, but then nothing matters anymore, anyway. Sometimes, I wish people would just wake up from their trance. Wake up, stop, and finally acknowledge the one hell of an absurd life they’re living.

There are things though, that I use to drug the pain of life. To escape from the cruel thing that is reality. To add colour and life to this deadened, zombie-like world. I use my fantasy world, whether it be in a beautiful book I read or a movie I watched. The characters in it are as real to me as me or you. They have their struggles, but everything is okay in the end and everything is beautiful and surreal, just like a fairytale. But then I cry to myself sometimes, realizing that my fantasy world will never be able to exist. Sometimes I’m able to convince myself that it does. That all it takes is a little ray of hope. Maybe all we have to do is wait. Perhaps the whole world is an illusion. Just a bad, bad nightmare. And someday, we will wake up into the world we’ve been waiting for so long.

And then I’m jerked mercilessly back into reality. The unending nightmare. Another day, another meaningless day. Money. Fame. Acceptance. Living a conventional life. Just more meaningless goals to achieve. The cycle goes on. And on. And on. Until the day we die.

But who knows? Maybe that will be the time we finally get to wake up.

Until then, I urge you to stay strong. The world is cruel. But we have to keep on fighting. Because for all the pain and cruelty and darkness, there is still beauty to compensate for all that. That’s right. As long as love and hope and faith and compassion still exists on this earth, life is still worth living. Sometimes, it’s for those rare, heartwarming moments of true love and beauty that we live on. So as hard as it might be, hold on. Find something to live for. Keep fighting till the bitter end. Never, ever give up. Dream big, and don’t stop believing. Believe that the day will come.

Because it will.

Dreams, Aspirations and the Future

Okay, this is my first post and first blog ever,  so thank you to whoever actually stumbled on my little blog and is actually reading it now. Thank you. The reason I created this blog was to pour my heart out to those of you who really understand. The idea of pouring my heart out as an anonymous person, to reach out through this internet… just appeals to me. I want to share with you my thoughts and feelings, dreams and hopes…

The majority of kids my age are busy with Korean pop idols, facebook, instagram, or social networking sites, which I hate with a burning passion (not that there’s anything wrong with it).  While me, I lie on my bed, wondering about stuff such as the future, spirituality and the afterlife. Should I believe in reincarnation? What about heaven? Honestly, I could go on forever.

What will I do for a living when I grow up? This is a question that has been burning at the back of my mind since forever. Other kids make up their minds when they’re young, and that’s it. But not for me. Since I was very young, I was already gifted in art and English writing. I also love dancing a lot. I really don’t think I can live without it. It’s a huge part of my life, really. I dance ballet every day, and practise variations en pointe. Dancing helps me express my emotions in a way no other hobby could replace. Recently, I’ve also discovered my avid interest in psychology and personality typology. I really want to understand more about myself and others too. If everyone understood each other’s motives and personality and accepted them for it, the world would be a much more harmonious place. Just for fun, I am an INFP type nine (anyone?)

Throughout my childhood, I’ve wanted to pursue so many careers you wouldn’t believe me. Fashion designer, dog trainer, professional dancer, artist, writer, architect, psychologist, you name it. I have an idol who is an amazing actress, although her personality is so sweet and carefree and cute and innocent with a wise outlook on life and a very loving relationship with her husband of fourteen years. She changed my view on many, many things, so once I wanted to be an actress because I wanted to be just like her. Though I still want to be like her, I no longer want to be an actress because I’ve found that it doesn’t suit me at all.

Some people pursue careers in law or medicine just for money. For me, money is just a tool. Money is needed for survival, but just that. I go to a prestigious school where proceeding to study law, medicine, or business is the norm, just because a) it makes money and b) you are respected in society. I have absolutely zero interest in these subjects. Why study something you’re not interested in, and why strive to be normal when you can be unique? I have not decided what exactly I want to be yet, but I have decided to live my dreams.

I do not have a dream job, but I do have a dream. I want to experience true love. Well, this would definitely be snickered by the kids my age, but, yeah you heard me. Not a high school fling or “going out" or anything like that. Why bother to date someone when you know they’re not going to last?

My other dream is to move to northern Europe or Denmark, or anywhere where it’s not very ‘city-like’ and roam the streets as a street artist (maybe). Well, Denmark is the happiest country in the world. At least I’ve heard that the people are free, low crime rate, peaceful and stuff like that. The other reason would be nature. I love nature. Whenever there’s nature, I feel so peaceful and rested. Anyway, I’ve been to Denmark once and it’s such  a stark contrast from this polluted, way-too-fast-paced metropolitan city I’m living in. The people are easy-going, unhurried. They do what they like, are carefree, and somewhat oblivious to the world problems. They live in their own little peaceful world, not really worying about the dark, greedy, evil world outside. I can’t say that’s a totally good thing, but it’s how I like it. I love the aura it gives off. Bonus: it doesn’t have twisted politics and corrupted government!

Okay, I’ve realized the I’ve rambled on way too long, and probably bored you to death. Forgive me if I sound like a naive child trying to sound wise. Oh, and it doesn’t matter if you don’t agree with me. Always remember that anything is possible, so go on and rock your dreams!